Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
