Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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