Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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