i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
