just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh god it's open bar.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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