Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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