God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
