Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
