When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
