just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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