exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
