Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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