They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
