I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
