would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
