is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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