I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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