Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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