I think im going to throw up on grandma
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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