Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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