Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
