so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
