Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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