I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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