I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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