Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
