I'm eating all of the evidence.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
