but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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