Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
