...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
