I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
