I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
