i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
