I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
