boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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