Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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