Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
