"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
