I wish I could punch you in the face.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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