U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
