Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
