he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
