Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
