I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
