I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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