So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
