She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
