Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
