So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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