You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We are two peas in an std pod
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
