call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
