I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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