the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I smell like Dick and happiness
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